


Lost and Found

by 1800peggysorangelipstick



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 22:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16880580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1800peggysorangelipstick/pseuds/1800peggysorangelipstick
Summary: The reader is heartbroken when she returns from a deep cover mission to find that her family has been torn apart and her love gone.





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Avengers: Age of Ultron.  
> Lyubimaya moya --> My Darling  
> Mi Amor --> My Love

You sat in the compound alone. A hot drink nestled in your hands as you stared into space. Loneliness possessing you and silence surrounding you. Your body felt cold, it seemed to eject the possibility that she wasn’t here. It was like your every cell called out trying to bring her back, but she had left after the accords tore your family from your grasp and it felt like she was never coming back.

Day One  
You had been deep undercover when the accords mess had taken place. When you successfully completed your mission, you returned to find that the Avengers didn’t exist anymore. Steve, Nat, Clint, Sam, half your family was gone, and half left behind in emotional ruins. As you were debriefed you had felt yourself stand straighter, stronger, as if fear and loss didn’t threaten to break through your tear ducts as if you didn’t want to flip the desk in front of you. When you arrived, the compound was empty except for Rhodey who greeted with weary eyes.

“Rhodey, I see you didn’t forget about me. That’s nice,” You smirked as you ignored the hurt that pounded inside your chest. Rhodey grinned at you as he hugged you, he had missed you.

“Please you adopted me, and I didn’t miss one message thank you very much. Speaking of which, did Fury kick your ass for sending said messages while undercover?” He asked almost playfully.

“No everyone was too busy basking in my glorious triumph… and then enlightening me on my abandonment. Why didn’t you tell me what was happening?” You asked but not accusingly. A sombre expression blanketed Rhodey’s face.

“You were undercover, we couldn’t risk it and Y/n it was messy. Not fun messy it was emotionally messy, for everyone. Nat switched sides and ran off with cap, Clint is on house arrest and won’t be back cause his family needs him. As for Tony… Pepper and I were all Tony really had left.” He walked with an arm around your shoulders down a bright hallway.

“Rhodey,” he could hear your question before it came. Rhodey considered himself your older brother biology be damned. He wanted to protect you from this mess, but some things he couldn’t fix.

“What happened to Nat? You said she switched sides right, do you know where they are?” A heavy sigh left him before he responded.

“I don’t know where she is. All I know is you are the only reason she stayed so long.” He saw how you wilted and felt as your arms wrapped around him and a small sob left you. Your whole body tensed for a moment and you inhaled deeply.

“So she’s gone and we don’t know where…” you paused for a moment your voice shaking, “she’s gone and I don’t know where or when or even if she’ll be back.” You knew Rhodey’s answer before he said it. You heard it in the way his arms wrapped tighter around you, one hand coming up to hold your head. He didn’t think he could say it and he didn’t need to. As silence trapped you, you began to sob and your hands fisted Rhodey’s shirt.

“Hey, hey, hey,” He held you as you both melted against the hallway wall. “You’re gonna be okay, Y/n/n.” During the years that Rhodey had known you, he had seen you battle PTSD and anxiety. He had heard you scream before your body pulled you from a nightmare. He had watched you stand straighter, taller, stronger through it all. This, this was different. He felt your heartbreak wreak havoc, rocking and surging through your body.

After you pulled yourself together Rhodey had helped you to your room but after waking from his own nightmare he found you out in the compounds living room, playing mortal combat.

A deep voice boomed throughout the room “Fatality.” Rhodey sat beside you before picking up a controller.

“Ready to get your ass kicked kid,” He asked playfully.

“It is my duty to inform you, Lieutenant, that the only ass about to be kicked is yours.” You laughed smugly and both of enjoyed a much-needed break from the heaviness in your hearts.

Day Two  
The night became day and for what felt like the 20th time in a row a deep voice called out your loss.

“Scorpion Wins, Fatality.”

“James Rhodes! When did you get so good at this game!!”

“I was born this good sis, we both know that.” You playfully punched his shoulder as you both laughed.

Soon you put down the controls and fell asleep on the floor.

You woke up at around 1 in the afternoon and explored the compound. You found Rhodey was in a meeting and it was only then you noticed the braces on his legs. Rage boiled inside you. Messy my arse, it was like a fucking war you thought to yourself.

Day Three  
During your return, you had been buzzing with excitement to return and see her, Natasha. Anticipation raced through you. Anticipation to feel her warm body strong against yours, to see her peaceful, sleeping beside you. Anticipation to feel her hands over your hips and on the small of your back. Your lips longed to feel hers it had been years since you had seen her. After a few months of radio silence, you had assumed she was on a mission, working not… gone.

Now you were left feeling vacant. Her absence explicitly obvious almost everywhere you went. You cooked breakfast without roaming hands. You lay awake alone and cold at night. It became a regular occurrence that you and Rhodey would play the ps4, whenever either one or both of you couldn’t sleep, till the early hours of the mourning. Sometimes though it was as if you weren’t really there at all. You just sit with your head leaning against Rhodey’s shoulder, watching as he plays whispering, repeating a phrase two words, in two languages.

Lyubimaya moya

Mi amor

The Day Y/n Loses Count  
Nothing felt warm, not the hot cup of coffee in your hands, not the couch beneath you or the blanket on top of you. The sun was dark, and music was replaced with a harsh static. An emptiness radiated from you, an emptiness and a dangerous silent stillness.

After a week you return to training. You train harder than ever before and fight stronger than ever before. Rhodey trains with you, grabs fast food with you and while you’ve never been closer he sees you hardening your heart and building a wall that only he is inside. Soon you’re back in the field, attending press events, parties and council meetings although, much to your distaste, there is more of the latter. Every now and again you leave for a few months and look for Nat. You look for all of them, but you want to find her. You want to scream and cry and ask questions. Questions like; why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Why didn’t you tell me where to find you? Why didn’t you come and find me? Take ME WITH YOU! You want to be angry, you want her to answer for her absence and then you want her to hold you and never let go again. 

“Lyubimaya moya,” you want to hear her whisper lovingly. You want warmth to spread through you once again. You want to slap her shoulder playfully, call her a liar and kiss her. You want to moan her name and hear her whisper dirty things in your ear. You want to hear her faint sighs of pleasure, her grunts as she fights, her laughter as she teases. You want to hear her complain of hunger before suggesting she eat you. You want to see her gasp with surprise, pleasure, and pain. You long to hear the string of Russian profanities erupt from her after she stubs her toe. You want to see the creases in the corner of her eyes as she laughs, her analytical stare as she helps you train. You want to see her expression when she notices you teasing her across the room. You want to feel her hand in yours, hear the adoration in her voice as she tells you you’re beautiful. You want to feel her stare for longer than she should. Whenever someone hits on you, you want her to waltz up to them out of the blue and let them know who you really belong to. You want her so badly that you see her everywhere. You can almost feel her arms wrap lovingly around your waist. She feels so close and yet so far away.

So, you train, you train and train and train waiting for her to waltz in and whisper, “Lyubimaya moya, you’re overworking yourself. Come, let’s have a bath.” She never comes, and you train till you pass out. Rhodey now has a nurse on standby because he has had to carry you to your bed more times than he can count. He worries and you find yourself always apologising or thanking him. Tony keeps you busy while Pepper and Rhodey look for her and every time they think they’ve found her they let you know and you go looking.

It’s been a year and your starting to give up because if Natasha Romanoff doesn’t want to be found, you won’t find her. It’s been a year and no matter where you search or how many times you whisper ‘mi amor’, hoping she appears with a resounding ‘Lyubimaya moya’, it never comes.


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Nat's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignoring Infinity War this is around 4-5 years after Age of Ultron.

Day One  
“HEY RHODEY!” You yelled from the garage.

“WHAT?!”

“CAN I TAKE YOUR SUIT FOR A RIDE?”

“WHYYY?”

“PLEAAAASSSSSSEEEE, I WANNA PICK UP MY DATE IN IT.”

He walks into the room laughter on his lips as he finds you standing before his suit a rebellious smile on you milky lips.

“Where is your date gonna sit exactly?” He eyed your bowl of cereal comically.

“It’ll be so suave. I’ll walk up to her and be like ‘Hi there miss are you lost? Cause heaven is a long way from here.’ Pleas–” You were about to start begging when a familiar voice interrupted you.

“Try ‘If nothing lasts forever will you be my nothing?’” Her tone was sour. Natasha hated the idea of you going on a date with someone who wasn’t her. Upon hearing her you felt your heart speed up and your blood beat in your ears. When you turn and see her jealous but cocky smile you feel your heart shatter. You are torn between throttling your cereal at her and running into her arms. You turned back to Rhodey who was now standing beside you looking shocked and concerned.

“Is she really there or am I hallucinating again?” You grabbed Rhodey’s shoulder in an effort to stabilise yourself. Your eyes grew watery and you held your cereal bowl tighter. Only Rhodey could see the concern and guilt that flitted over Natasha’s face. He was silent as he tried to figure what you were going to do. It had been three years since you had returned to find her gone after the Accords. It had been two years since you stopped looking for her. You’d found Steve, Sam, and visited Clint. You had even met and befriended a hesitant Bucky. You couldn’t find Bruce but no one could. Thor you figured was doing his MC Hammer gig out on Asgard. Everyone but her and none of them could tell you where she was. You had been distraught, absolutely and undeniably fucked. Now you were emotionally constipated but having fun. This, this felt like everything that currently held your heart together had been severed. Everything that kept you together, functioning, alive… it was all gone now.

“Mmmhmm. I’m gonna get the limo ready for you because you won’t kill her in that,” He turned to you and it broke his heart to see how undone you already looked.

“We’ll see about that” you whispered your reply. You tried to gather yourself, ground yourself. 5 things you can see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell and one thing you taste.

Before Rhodey left intending to initiate Operation Damage Control he pulled you into a hug. “You’re ok Y/N. You are going to be ok”.

Operation Damage Control consisted of a nurse on standby, stocking up on your favourite foods and Mortal Kombat at the ready.

It was just you and Nat. You stood still. That deathly kind of still that sits in voids accompanied by the darkness of black holes. You tried to reign in your emotions. The anger, the sadness, the betrayal were all stampeding through you. It felt like you couldn’t breathe but it also felt like for the first time in three years the air was clean.

“Y/N-” Before she could say anything you turned around and threw your cereal bowl at her. The bowl smashed against the wall behind her but most of the soggy bits and milk hit her. She stood there awkwardly as the milk and cereal dripped off of her. Her green eyes were murky and regret filled them. She didn’t know what to do because you seemed to have changed so much. She didn’t know but she cared too much to say something and screw up now… again.

“Don’t you dare say my name like that. Not after three years of nothing.” You rushed out of the room before she could say any more.

1:58 am - Day Two  
The sound of your harsh punches hitting the punching bag echoed throughout the gym. You hadn’t been able to find the gloves and the pain funnelling through you took you straight to the bag. You punched and punched and punched till your knuckles started to crack. The bag jolted less after the next punch and you stopped to see if she was the one steadying it for you.

“Hey,” Rhodey said gently, “You ok sis?”

You wiped your nose, sniffling and nodding before you began to punch the bag again. You sped up as the anger rushed through you. You attacked the bag relentlessly and bit your cheeks as you tried to hold back tears. Your hands grasped at the bag, banging your fingers against it manically. Rhodey was quick to take you into his arms. You cried and he held you.

“You’re ok. It’s ok.” He whispered repeatedly.

Day Three  
Natasha had never been bothered by the cold before you. She had never been bothered by the lack of romantic affection in her life but after you? She ached for your touch. She longed to worship your body with her lips. She craved the warmth of your body against hers. No one could compare to you. She sat in a trance on her bed, her favourite memory of you playing. You were stirring a big pot of sauce for lasagne with one hand leaning on the bench. She walked up behind you and wrapped her arms around your waist so you were flush against her. You smelt soft and sweet and you laughed as she kissed your neck. You maintained the contact as you stirred the sauce and moved your free hand to entwine with Natasha’s around your waist. It was as if you melded together and had become two halves of one whole instead of two individuals.

It is an understatement to say Nat worried that her absence would haunt her. She felt where your lips had once touched hers. She remembered how it felt to have your hands caressing her. Her body remembered how it felt to watch you come undone. The sheer beauty had stunned her at first but soon she came to crave it. Natasha could almost feel where your fingers had once been as she moaned your name. Her skin tingled and her heart ached for you, for your touch. It didn’t come. All Natasha could try to do was get your attention. All she could do was try to talk to you and she had no idea how she was gonna do that so she went into the kitchen and made herself a bowl of your favourite coco pops. You are what you eat right.

“You know if she catches you eating that you’ll be wearing it again right?” She heard Rhodey say as he emerged from another room.

She nodded and took another mouthful making Rhodey roll his eyes.

“I just need her to talk to me,” She replied, her tone void of emotion but her eyes drowning in it.

“Uh huh, good luck accomplishing that while you consume what is possibly her most favourite thing on this planet.” Rhodey laughed as you entered the room.

“Hey Rhodey, for an upcoming mission I need… well not need want. I would like a stakeout buddy. Wanna come?” You ignored Natasha entirely not a peep not a single glance in her direction.

“Yeah, I’m down. When is it?”

“Not till next week. I gotta do a few minor surveillance missions and I have reports to fill out.” You grabbed the two boxes of coco pops from the cupboard. Muttering to yourself, “unbelievable, the nerve, you don’t just go into your ex-girlfriend’s cupboard and take her cereal.” Rhodey thought he could hear Natasha’s heart shatter as you referred to yourself as her ex-girlfriend. Her mouth dropped. Her mind racing at how far screwed she was.

“Haha, sucker. You gotta do reports.” He laughed trying to ignore the tension that sat heavy in the air.

“Pfft so do you.” You continued to ignore Natasha as she cleaned her bowl.

Rhodey laughed, “this is true but not right now. Right now I get to eat a delicious lettuce and ham sandwich.” He chucked the ingredients on the bench as he said them. His eyebrows raised as you made to leave the room with your two boxes of cereal.

“What? My cereal is very important to me. Surveillance mission one? Don’t let the coco pops be compromised.” You basked in Rhodey’s laughter and when Natasha chuckled over at the table you let yourself smile. It reminded you of late night chats, movie nights, dates. It reminded you of a life you thought you had left behind. Your smile didn’t go unnoticed.

Cereal still in hand, you made your way to your room muttering as you left. You put them on your dresser and returned to your office.

That night you were in the middle of kicking Rhodey’s butt at Mortal Kombat and after you had won for the fifth time he quietly asked you “do you really consider her your ex-girlfriend?”

You let out a heavy sigh. Did you? Did you really? The answer was no. You hadn’t broken up but the silence, the distance, the strain on your relationship had made it feel almost like you had lost a loved one. Or like they were missing.

“No, I don’t. It feels more like she’s missing or dead and I’ve just grown accustomed to the pain of losing her.” Rhodey nodded thoughtfully before responding.

“Do you think you’ll reconcile?”

“Maybe. I think at this point it depends on what she does and if I can get over my own bullshit. I need to forgive her but I can’t at the moment. In my soul, I hope we get over it because I love her so much it hurts but in turn I am really, really hurt. When I came back all I had was you. You’re my one consistent dude. Which is ace and all but that’s a different kind of love.”

“True and either way you guys are gonna need time before you can decide if you stay or if you go?”

You agreed with Rhodey and pretended you didn’t see her silhouette in the kitchen listening, still as a statue.

Day Six  
Natasha still hadn’t spoken to you. No. No. No. Instead, she wore, spoke, laughed, moved in ways she knew would fluster you, make you smile, force you to chuckle. It had been three days of the most beautiful torture. It made the coldness inside you melt. The thought that she would do so much intentionally just to get the smallest response from you, it softened that wall you had put up all those years ago. It made you feel as if it was 5 years ago and all was well.

Natasha could see that her work, which it was, was working. You had brought your cereal back out into the cupboard, you sat and ate at the table with her. You had even spoken and eventually, you stopped looking like you were in pain every time you saw her.

Sure you could still often be found training alone at the crack of dawn, not having slept a minute. You still attacked equipment, kicking and punching it till either you or it broke. But afterwards you didn’t go for a run and you didn’t feel the need to run. You were working through what you faced in your home.

One afternoon after a successful mission Rhodey and Natasha were flying back.

“Are you going to actually have a conversation with her? Maybe Apologise” Rhodey asked hesitantly. He was over the tension in the house. He’d had to deal with so much of it during the accords and he was over it.

“I’m working on it. I don’t think she wants me. She tolerates me.” Rhodey scoffed.

“It’s not that she doesn’t want you. It’s that she wants you so hard, she longs for you with every fibre of her being. For three years she searched and all she has reaped from her efforts is pain.”Nat froze in response. When she looked up at him he saw that she felt the loss, guilt and regret of leaving you.

“She’s usually training late at night and I know you’re up. You better figure something out. I’m not here to be a mediator but my best friend, my little sister is hurting bad. She deserves an explanation and you deserve a chance. She’ll give it to you. You just have to earn it.”

3:32 am Post-aforementioned stakeout  
“Mi amour? Mi amour are you there?” Natasha watched as you tossed and turned in your sleep. Were you looking for her? Were you wondering why she left? Why she avoided you? What had she done? As she thought about how she might reconcile this, you sat up eyes wide sweating and puffing and her instincts kicked in.

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re ok,” she said as she sat beside you and pulled you into a hug.

It burned, it burned in the most beautiful way. It set your heart on fire and it pumped faster and faster and you weren’t ready. So you ran from her arms, you didn’t know where to and you could hear her behind you so you ran faster. You ran until you found yourself panting on the roof.

“Y/N?” She called softly. So softly you almost felt as if she still loved you. You almost forgot she left at all because in her voice you feel the longing for that oneness that you had once shared. As if all that you had been missing was behind you calling your name.

“Please, I’m sorry.” She called it out with a slight tone hysteria in her voice. She needed you to say her name. Anything to her. Anything at all. She just wanted to explain, she just wanted you to see how she longed for you. She needed you to see how much she still loved you.

“I’m so sorry baby.”

“Why?” You called out sobbing and crying. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? Why didn’t you let me find you? Why did you leave me Nat? Why?” You sobbed. Tears streamed down your cheeks and you felt weak in the knees. The wind seemed to pick up and coldness cloaked you. It was a coldness that had drawn out your nights and ruined your dates. She cautiously walked till she stood beside you.

“I don’t understand.” You turned to face her and even dared to look her in the eyes. All the emotions you had pushed away were bursting at the seams of your heart. Natasha cautiously took your hands in hers as she began to explain herself.

“I left with Steve and then I went to find Bruce and I was trying to find my team and each and every night the cold kept me awake but I was sure that it was my mission to recover my team. My family. When I found out you were looking for me, I didn’t want to face you without a reason. I wanted to come back and show you that you weren’t abandoned in this mess. I wanted to be whole for you. I wanted our family to be whole for you.” Her voice cracked and she went silent as she watched your face. You looked disappointed but you let out a bitter laugh as you cried.

“You mean to tell me. That you broke my heart, trying not to break my heart.” She winced at your accusation. “You idiot. All I wanted was you. I could find everyone. Our team, our family is just that no matter where they are. All I want is you.” You sniffed, moving your hands to her cheeks as she moved hers to rest on your hips. She leaned her forehead against yours and you rested there for a moment. You felt like you were home, you were whole.

“And all I want is you.” She brought her lips up to yours and you melded together. You caressed her jaw and as you moved your hands so they were around her neck she slid hers over your ass. She pulled you closer as her tongue danced with her lips against yours. You had wanted, longed, dreamed of her body against yours for so long and your need drove you till you pulled apart only so you could take a breath.

“Mi Amour, never let me go again. Promise?” You asked in a breathy whisper.

“Never again, Lyubimaya moya,” She whispered a smile on face. She finally felt whole, as if the connection between you had been repaired, as if you were two halves again. Whole now that you were together.


End file.
